HER STORY.....

PART-I ONCE UPON A TIME...


Once upon a time,there was a little girl.She was merely 11 winters old.Though she was not given too many opportunities to experience the topsy- turvydom of life, she was quite mature than most of the girls of her age.And credit for this goes to her intense and understanding nature,and of course to her extremely sensitive mind.For having an affinity with the nature,she used to spend most of her time doing something which connects her with the nature.Those flying birds in the vast blue sky taught her the immense joy and strength of being free, the vast blue sky taught her to open her heart and welcome everyone with equal generosity and love.Those fresh green leaves,glowing and glittering in glory with the golden hue of sunbeam and those trembling dew drops on fragrant rose petals was enough for her to wake up in the early morning.Some of those mornings were more pleasant ,when she used to discover some tiny leaves peeping through those tiny seeds,and shivering a little when the cold wind was touching them.She used to shade them, water them with such a motherly affection as if those were her own child.Every day they were growing little by little,and her internal drive to save them from those external dangers was increasing little by little.And these dangers refer to the sudden attacks of caterpillars and other insects.She would carefully observe every single leaf,each morning.Inspite of taking so much care and caution,sometime she had to go through the trauma of witnessing some of the new sprouts were gone ! And this requires no Sherlock Holmes to find out why they are gone! After some days another bunch of new sprouts would take place of those which were gone.This way life continues to go on,irrespective of and uninfluenced by any terrible incident that takes place in our lives! May be those incidents obstruct the motion of our lives for a moment ,and compel us to pause our journeys for a while...but ultimately we start our journeys again with renewed enthusiasm and vigor.And this is the ultimate truth.

Now getting back to the story of that little girl.She belonged to the world,which she had created only for her,and this was the world where she used to get anything she wished for! lived her live on her own terms.She grew up gradually like all other girls of her age as it is the law of nature!! But her heart remained the same,the mind remained unaffected,her soul remained as pure as it used to be!And through this natural progression from childhood to adulthood she remained the same...shy,reserved,diffident! She was a loner.Her world belonged to herself and no one else! She could not even tolerate the idea of sharing her kingdom with anyone! She was the queen...she was the ruler!She laughed alone,she cried alone,she dreamt alone and she was alone!People who did not know her used to think she is weird! Yeah she was weird as she never tried to fit herself in the conventional rules and regulations of the society!She was different.

And this is her story....





PART-II SPREAD YOUR WINGS...



"I am flowing away.It is like some kind of force,it is taking me far away,I dont have any control over me,I am powerless.My life is a mess..its crazy.I had never imagined a life like this before.I am in awe! All those who know me cant believe that its "ME" , the same old person they used to know...quite,calm,reserved,homely! They will be shocked! But still does it matter ?? Of course not!! I am loving it! I am very much in love with my crazy, messy,wild,reckless lifestyle!! I am having fun of lifetime, and time flies so swiftly when you are having so much fun...when you are enjoying so much!! It is like a roller-coaster ride!We all have only one life..so why waste it brooding over petty things!! I am intoxicated...I am senseless...I dont wanna think anything...I just wanna flow,flow away...far and far away...where no one will recognise me...in fact I wanna go so far and to that extent where I cant recognise myself!! I wanna discover me,the new "ME"..."
December 2, 12.50 am.

It was midnight and she was writing her diary.Let me introduce this "crazy" girl....Anusha Roy,and simply "Annu "for her nearest and dearest ones.She is just like other girls of her age,but surely there is something which makes her special.And now she is in search of what this special thing is which makes her somewhat incredible.She has spent all these years being too much serious about her studies,being too much disciplined about her lifestyle.She is the type of girl whom every parent should be be proud of!

That was the day,the special day when the process of becoming all crazy and messy actually started.She was 18 years old.She was like other freshers...completely bewildered in a new environment and trying to find some familiar face or at least someone who is friendly.She was wandering aimlessly and did not know anyone.She was searching for a helping hand.It was her first day of her college life! She never actually felt like this before.She was lost,she was helpless.Everywhere she could see only strangers,and some of them throwing a peculiar glance at her.She was like fish out of water.Being too much shy and reserved she could not even imagined of taking the initiative and talking with someone! Somehow she managed to find her classroom and took a seat so slowly and silently that if she were invisible no one could have any clue about her existence in the classroom.She was sitting there,in the corner of the bench when she heard that sweet voice and when she turned back she saw the girl staring at her with that endearing smile and bright eyes.Actually she was longing for this...a friendly smile,a little warmth of friendship.She could not resist smiling at her and that was the moment when she got her best friend for the rest of her life!

The girl with her intoxicating smile,pretty face and friendly nature appeared like an angel to her.Her name was Sushmita i.e girl with a beautiful smile.She was her first friend,the first one to offer a friendly smile and helping hand.She was joyful,she was an amazing person! She had learnt to appreciate and enjoy the small things in life...how much trivial it may be! She believed in the ultimate truth that joy is all about who you are than what you have.So she always remained content and happy with all that she had.She never asked for too much,and it was not at all difficult to make her happy.

Anusha and Sushmita were too much happy to find each other,they loved and enjoyed their time together,time used to glide by when they were together.For Anusha life had never been so much beautiful for her...her finally learnt to spread her wings and fly...fly high and high above the horizon....to some unknown destination...until she is tired of flying!She learnt how to leave all her inhibitions and fears behind. She learnt how to live such a carefree life,how to be free,how to be bold and how to be wild!When she was a child she could not tolerate the idea of sharing her world with someone else..but now she was extremely happy to share her kingdom and occasionally thanked God for sending an angel in form of a FRIEND.



PART-III NOVEMBER RAIN



It was a cloudy day and weather forecast indicated a little rainfall but like every other occasion the weatherman failed to predict with accuracy and that day it was raining heavily.It was such a day which was too cold,weary and dark.It was just the beginning of Winter and so much rainfall was just so unexpected.It was an abhorrent weather.The cold breath of icy wind was blowing through and it was enough to freeze every living thing.The chilly northern wind was dampening the whole atmosphere,everything was too wet and too frozen! Everyone was awestruck,trying to cover their face with jacket, they were struggling to cope themselves with this dreadful weather.Some of them who were lucky to have an umbrella were wrestling with their umbrellas against the forceful north wind!

The boy was standing there,at the corner of the stairs heading down to the street.Looking hesitantly at the street,may be he was thinking whether to step outside for he had not brought any umbrella with him and he was too much afraid of the after effect of getting wet in this rain! And it was extremely necessary for him to go outside as he needed to make a phone call and he did not have enough balance left in his cell phone .
"Hey ! are you planning to go outside in this weather without an umbrella?"...suddenly he heard a female voice just behind him and when he looked behind he saw the girl,staring at him with a curious glance and friendly grin.
"yeah,actually I need to go outside immediately,I have got some emergency situation!" replied the boy with a little concern and helplessness in his voice.
"Oh..I see! but you should wait until the rain stops.Anyway if there is anything ,I can do for you just let me know!"
"Oh really thanks for your concern,but its ok,I need to make a phone call and I dont have enough balance left! that is the problem..." he was quite shy so he was being a little hesitant to ask for any help from a stranger.
"Oh ,ok but I have got a cell and if you want you can make a call...it will be my pleasure!" replied the girl with such a sweet smile that it appeared quite irresistible to him.
It was the beginning,the beginning of a new bonding,a new relationship,a new phrase of their lives.
Oh by the way the boy was Saptarshi a.k.a Saptu and the girl was none other than our very own Anusha.They were in the same department,in the same year yet they had never known each other,never talked to each other. It was first time they interacted and since then they never looked back,they became extremely good friends.They understood each other so well that time used to glide by imperceptibly when they were together. The term "they" not only includes Saptarshi and Anushka but also Sushmita.In fact peopled started recognizing them by the name "Awesome Threesome".Their friendship was a treasure to each one of them,they could not even imagine life without any of them! They were always together,always laughing,chuckling, sharing thoughts,and doing all other wicked things like bunking classes,giving proxies,playing pranks! They were inseparable,they were uninhibited !!

It was a cold,dreary,dark and depressive November but the coldness of the northern wind was not enough to supersede and snatch away the warmness of their friendship,as it grew stronger and stronger with each passing day.

PART-IV SEVEN DAYS OF FREEDOM



Winter had gone far away, new leaves had replaced the old ones.Finally Spring had arrived, driving away chilly north wind.Fresh,warm,gentle breeze started blowing all over and thereby putting an end to the freezing, devastating, depressing Winter.Flowers started blooming again and soon most of the trees were covered with colourful flowers,as if they were asleep for a long time and finally the special moment had come when they were finally awake,and as soon as they woke up they started decorating themselves with all those red, white,purple,pink flowers.Everywhere there were so many colours.The world seemed so heavenly,so pure,so vivacious!! But not to all I guess..as for some of them it was damn boring,everyday the same routine,same disgusting lectures.At that moment, life had become a little static and mundane for the "Awesome Threesome".The change of season and the renewed beauty of nature could not leave much impact on their minds!

It was 2.30 pm and as usual Anusha kept yawning throughout the whole class. Somehow she managed to keep herself awake but her eyes were nearly closed most of the time.As soon as the class was over she jumped in ecstasy and thrill and nearly cried "Oh God! I cant tolerate this anymore...what a life I am living!! It is so dull guys...are you all awake???"
Actually more or less everyone around her were dozing and after listening her words Susmita replied,"Really life has been such a hell,I cant stand it anymore,I need to be free,it is suffocating me,strangulating my soul !!"
"Lets have some fun...lets do something! lets free ourselves from this hell!! We dont know what is waiting for us in the future, it may be better or worse! but why are we wasting our valuable time this way attending boring, irritating lectures!! come on guys...its too much,I cant bear this anymore.And I am telling you one thing...I am not gonna attend any more classes this week and my time starts now!! I am going, dont know where but I know I am going to have lots and lots of fun!!!...anyone wanna join me???"...well, this was Saptarshi, too much exited.He just went on saying all these without any break and now stopped for a moment to breathe!
"But are not you gonna attend any class today? what if we become non-collegiate?" asked Anusha with a worried expression.
"Actually I dont give a damn!" replied Saptarshi aggressively.
"Me too...I wanna flee but I have a suggestion.Lets attend the next class,till our names are marked as present and then we will flee when the time is right,through the behind door....now how is that?" asked Anushka,with twinkles in her eyes and flashed her wicked smile!
Not everyone approved of her plan but Saptarshi was always ready.That day they actually executed their plan and the fled away through the behind door when the professor was busy writing something on the blackboard!

It turned into a crazy day,just as they had expected.They had so much fun that actually they failed to keep track of time,it just flowed by without letting them realise anything...or rather it can be said they were not in a mood to realise and they had immersed themselves in their newly acquired freedom,they floated together ,they were flying together like birds fly over the horizon.They released all their tensions,worries,boredom,depression and all other negative feelings!! Finally they were actually free and that day or rather those moments they spent together were like live saving drugs.They had that special feeling...that was very much alien to them , a teaspoon of happiness,a tablespoon of wildness,a pinch of craziness ,all blended together and it was awesome! They experienced the taste of having something forbidden,for the first time! They got addicted to each other.

The next seven days were the same in terms of intensity of craziness,joy and satisfaction.The ransacked the whole city,visited every restaurant,every pub,every mall,they could! They had never lived their their so fully,so wildly.And this time they were not alone,other friends joined them,as they were awestruck by the wildness and freshness of the idea! Their most favourite place for hanging out freely, turned out to be metro station. And sometimes they would laugh so loudly that the passer-bys were forced to lower their speed and watch them with curiosity and utter dismay.Sometimes their topics of discussion were on some forbidden topics and so lewd that other people sitting or standing nearby would stare at them with embarrassment or anger or disbelief or all of them.And they were more and more amused as if they had vowed to irritate public,embarrass them with their wildness,newly found freedom !

PART-V AND THEY FLOATED TOGETHER.....



Those seven days ended too quickly.It was a roller-coaster ride to all of them.Those days were special,intoxicating,thrilling and breathtaking.Most of them were tired but not all of them.Actually in case of Saptarshi and Anusha,they both wanted more of it,they were not satisfied and it seemed they could not have enough of it.

It was lunch time and all of them were together, chatting and sharing tiffin ... sometimes laughing like mad ones,sometimes teasing each other. Suddenly Sushmita declared the hottest news, just like that ! For a moment everyone was too shocked to react...but this shock was not due to some unfortunate event! They were so happy to hear that news that they became speechless.So, wanna know what she said at that moment?...
"I am committed now!! ",it was just so simple yet the intensity of its importance made everyone gasping for some air,in sheer joy and glory!Everywhere you could listen only sounds of astonishment and happiness.How..when..where..who is the lucky guy..everyone wanted to know!
"Well,he is a childhood friend,we were like best buddies those days,and few months back I found him through the internet!! it was amazing...and we did not waste much time to realise that we are perfect for each other! and that is the story..thats it! I am finally committed now,I am really very happy and truly this the most overwhelming feeling...I am speechless!! I am enjoying every moment of it!...she was bubbling with exitement and happiness.

They were returning home together,waiting for the train to come and chatting as usual."It's really great to know you are finally committed!" exclaimed Saptarshi with a philosophical tone in his voice.
"What about you Anu? dont you like anyone,have not you ever been in love with someone?"asked Sushmita with a little concern in her voice.
"I dont know what is love,the idea of loving someone is really confusing,too complex and not my type!",replied Anusha.
"Love is not at all confusing, you are actually confused!"...and Sushmita burst out laughing.
"But for me,I have been in love with three girls at the same time! They were all so nice,I could not select just one among all of them! Yeah I am also confused about all these stuff!" commented Saptarshi with a funny smile and shrugging his shoulder a little bit!
"Oh God ! everyone is so confused! now I am getting confused...Do I really love him??" it was Sushmita,getting too much confused in this whole confusion.
They all burst out laughing as her expression while saying this was really very funny and she was bewildered.
"Actually the idea of staying with one person for the rest of my life really frightens me too much...it is kind of suffocating! But yes if anyone is interested for a short term affair... for example affairs for 1 month or few weeks,they can contact me! And if I like spending time with him I can extend it to another month!" Anusha was actually quite amused with her own innovative idea.
"Oh really? why did not you ask me before? Its really unusual and weird! You know what..I am free,so why dont we go together?" Saptarshi was too much interested.
"What?Listen you guys...are you all mad or what?Is it some kind of contractual dating? I mean boyfriend for 1 month? are you out of your mind?" Sushmita looked perplexed and too shocked too react.She was quite traditional and even a little bit conservative in her approach towards the idea of love and this weird idea appeared quite degrading and impossible to her.
But Anusha seemed quite happy and she readily accepted the proposal."Ok..done! so lets shake hands together...Hello boyfriend!" she spread her hand towards Saptarshi and flashed her naughtiest smile.
"Hello girlfriend...you are awesome!!" he touched her hand and they had their brief hand shake session! "It's like those pretending games we used to play in our childhood days...is not it?"he asked in such a way as if he was only waiting for the approval.
"Yes! and it's fun" Anusha replied with a friendly grin.
All these happened in front of only one person and she was a silent spectator of all these,she just stood there perplexed and petrified with awe,shock and amazement!

Life did not remain the same for Anusha and Saptarshi.They used to bunk their classes often and walked through the unknown alleys,and lanes little known to them.They used to enjoy the feeling of uncertainty as it often reminded them of the true nature of life! Life is truly so unpredictable...you have no clue what is gonna happen,and this makes living so special and charming.The thrill of knowing unknown things,the excitement of discovery,the sensation of heading towards an unknown destination,the intensity of friendship,the glory of understanding each other so well....are some of those reasons which brought them so close to each other.They could always realise that their dreams,ambitions,aspirations,thoughts and desires match so often! They satisfied each other's desire for survival, happiness, enjoyment and escape. Everyday they were exploring their own self in a new manner,
in a new way.Meandering together was the main source of exploring each other so vastly.

Sometimes other friends would utter concerns for them but those were like shouting at the deaf! All those advices,concerns went on being unnoticed,unheard and ignored as they were yearning to be free.


PART-VI REALITY BITES...



Anusha belonged to a middle-class, conservative family. Her life was , in her opinion...quite dull,boring and always confined within the rigid boundaries of obnoxious rules and regulations which her family had followed since years after years, without questioning about the validity and necessity of these rules.She was always questioned about her activities. She had to give satisfactory answers and every time if she failed she had to face grave criticisms and admonition.Her life was like a caged bird,who wanted to fly but her wings were clipped of, she had this burning desire to fly above the horizon but somehow every time her path was obstructed.Sometimes she used to feel that everyone is trying to strangulate her till she is dead.The world outside was too much colourful,gorgeous, cheerful until her entry through the door of her house.All the vivacity, all the freshness around her used to vanish into oblivion within a few seconds. She wished she could escape from this suffocating dungeon,she wanted to breathe,she wanted to dance wildly in the rain, she wanted to feel the warmness of life, but all she received was confinement,suffocation,coldness and disapproval in the eyes of her parents! Every single thing she had ever wanted, had been disapproved and criticized vehemently. Sometimes she wondered whether her plans,her dreams,her ambitions were really outrageous but when she imagined herself in the role of a mother she never found anything wrong in her actions.She used to think if she were a mother she would never had done these to her children.The more she thought about it ,the more she became confident that she would have been the best mother in this whole world!

Her friends were really angels to her,bringing happiness, love,warmness,freshness and most importantly freedom.They were like sudden blows of fresh air in her confined,solitary life.She used to forget everything.The devil of boredom and depression never dared to touch her,when her angels were around. They were like her shields...always protecting her like the armours of the Knights!

This is reality and you cant ever escape from reality,it does not matter how powerful your imagination is,how intense dreamer you are! Everyone is bound to face reality,they must face reality...does not matter how much painful and excruciating it is or may be! You cant live in dreams forever but yes it gives you temporary relief as you can have whatever you want,at least in your dreams.And this was the only way open to Anusha! She was a dreamer...and when sometimes the reality was too hard to bear, she used to escape and take shelter in her dreams.It was her comfort zone!

She was never allowed to stay outside of her house,even for a single night.But she always had this dream...having a night out with all her friends,having loads and loads of fun together,doing whatever she wanted to do,living life to the fullest...at least for one night! But she knew very well that her parents would never allow that,so she had never taken any initiative to obtain permission from her parents.

But this time they had a plan to enjoy the Puja vacation in an unique way. In fact most of the plans they used to make were unique and different but this time it was quite outrageous. They were all ready to take the risk and enjoy together.

"Look, we have got this unique chance and we have to use it properly.My parents are going to my sister's place,so I am alone!! finally...!! so if you join me,we can have lots of fun together,just imagine,doing all those things we have ever wanted,going to all those places we want to go..." it was Sushmita who was so thrilled that the tone of her voice gradually raised and raised with every single word! But the other person,to whom she was explaining all these,was standing there with a blank face and stupefied expression.
"This can be a chance for you my dear, but I guess not for me...you know my family,they will ever give permission of having a night out with friends." replied Anusha with a sad and pessimistic tone in her voice!
"Yes I know and that is why I said I have a really effective plan to convince your parents.They know me very well,and I have visited your house on numerous occasions. I am gonna tell them that we will stay together for a few days at my place and I am staying alone during that time,so I dont think that will be a problem...I mean they know me so well...I can handle this,I have really effective convincing techniques." assured a very confident Sushmita.But despite of her assurance Anusha looked as pessimistic and as dull as before.She was not sure that this will work,at all!

But,to her utter surprise,her parents actually gave permission to stay at Sushmita's place! Well, it really proves how much effective her persuasion was.It was really a difficult challenge for Sushmita but she had accomplished it with great sincerity and passed through all these agonies for obtaining a simple nod from her parents,with flying colours! The moment was really special.After listening to all the persuasive sentences and requests from Sushmita, gloomy faced,stern looking father of Anusha Mr. Shashank Roy slowly closed his eyes and nearly immersed into deep thoughts! A few moments of silence...nail biting anxiety...all the eyes fixed on him with great curiosity...and he slowly opened his eyes and uttered those magical words with a single nod!

Somehow, they controlled their internal urge to scream and jump as soon as those words entered their ears but they nearly ran all the way to the roof top and screamed hysterically.And it was a result of their passion,joy,glory,attained success,fulfilled desires as they could see their dreams becoming true...slowly and silently!



PART-VII THE ENDING OR A NEW BEGINNING?



We are all aware of the saying...that all good things come to an end.This the law of universe.Nothing is permanent in this earth,whether it is happiness,sadness,joy,pain ....everything is temporary.And every end in itself signifies a new beginning.Every beginning comes from some other beginning's end.This is like a cycle,just like every night comes to an end and is replaced by a new dawn and vice versa.The change is inevitable and unavoidable,every single person has to go through this.It is like a roller-coaster ride,if you are enjoying the ride,it seems exiting and invigorating ,but if you are afraid it may appear to you as deadly and hellish! So while you have to go through this,why not make this ride enjoyable and joyful !And though it is not possible for us to stop any good thing from ending we can still have those beautiful memories which will never end,which will linger in our hearts forever and ever,till our last breathe!

They were having so much fun together.Anusha was staying with Sushmita at her place and all those days they spent together doing whatever they wanted to do.They were not bound to give any explanation to anyone for their activities,they were actually free,in true sense! Sometimes they would organise parties and invite all other friends.Anusha was spending those days exactly the same way, she had ever imagined of.But it were those special occasions when Saptarshi would come to join them,her face had this certain tantalizing glow which no one could help but noticing with awe,amazement and sometimes with suspicion as no one had any clue about what was going on between them,except Sushmita!They loved each other's company,they were too much fond of each other.Not a single day had passed without any kind of interaction between them.They were never tired or bored of each other.Even they had no clue what was going on between them,or rather it can be said they never cared to figure it out.They were enjoying the wild ride,they were flowing together with an uncertain,unknown, powerful tide....without knowing as to where they were going and when it is gonna end! They had no time to think about these trivial matters.Time was too short and they had too much to enjoy!They were enjoying the thrill and the forces of attraction were at their strongest.

It was the last day.Anusha had to return home the next day.It was the last party they were having together.They had not invited too many friends,still only Saptarshi came.It was not even a party in true sense...just a friendly chat session!
"It has been so much fun..right? all these days...why all good things end up so quickly?" asked Anusha with a nostalgic tone in her voice.
" Well..you never know! may be because we get immersed into enjoying all these moments that we hardly notice and it just glides by,imperceptibly! but you know at the end of the day...we will all remember all these beautiful moments...everything we said..everything we did! and that is what matters most!" replied Saptarshi with those dreamy eyes and intoxicating voice!
They were chatting together on the balcony of Sushmita's house.Sushmita was preparing coffee and some snacks for her friends,she was busy with her work in her kitchen.
The setting sun was crimson red...spreading all its mild warmth and reddish hue over the horizon.The more the sun was going away,the more it was looking beautiful.Not only red,but also orange,purple,yellow...you could find each and every colour on the canvas called "sky".They were melting into each other,immersing into each other,hugging each other,but still without losing their individuality...without losing their own colour! All those birds,they were returning to their nests,they were flying so high,without any fear. Sometimes chirping of some unknown bird,enchanting smell of some unknown flower,echos of a running train came floating by, enhancing the beauty of the dusk.Everything was a little shadowy.The twilight was mesmerizing.A simple sunset never appeared so much heavenly...at least to Anusha and Saptarshi.The little balcony seemed like a piece of paradise to them!

Suddenly a strange silence engulfed them.They were staring at each other,they could see nothing except their faces.Everything around them gradually became blurred.They were in a trance,they could not move,they could not remove their glances from each other,they just kept staring .It seemed as if they have stopped breathing,they were speechless,they were frozen! It was the moment...they came so much closer that they could hear each other's pounding heart,they could feel each other's warm breathing.They came closer and closer until their lips touched .The softness,the warmness,the sensation overwhelmed her soul...she was no longer in this world...she could not even realise whether she is alive or dead, whether she is on this earth or heaven ! A tantalizing wave of some unknown emotion was flowing down her body.She did not know how to stop,what to do,what to say! She was helpless,she was stunned,she was mesmerized! The burning passion inside her heart made her forget everything.Actually she ceased to exist,all her senses vanished into oblivion.They were melting together,they were burning together,they were immersing into each other!They could go on like this unless the door bell had made that horrific,harsh sound!

They were shocked.And when Anusha got her sense back she opened her eyes and pushed him fiercely. At that moment they could not even realise what was happening.Everything happened so fast that they did not have the chance to react! They kept staring at each other, completely bewildered...they could not believe all these ,what was going on!

She stood up and ran towards the bedroom,she locked the door.And Saptarshi was still sitting there with that peculiar expression on his face,trying hard to answer these questions...when this happened,how this happened?It was just a few seconds but the effect it had was too much grave in importance.It changed the lives of those two individuals...forever! But they could do nothing..it was beyond their imagination...it was beyond their power! They were just two powerless,helpless creatures in the hand of destiny...they were just heading towards the direction which was destined for them!


to be continued...